Patience is a big word. Patience is a frightening word. Patience is the last thing one would wish to hear about. A Moroccan proverb goes, “Patience is the only door where people don’t jostle.” Even if you earnestly believe that patience is key to success; even if you preach patience in mosques, in speeches or in writing, it is always difficult to perceive patience as a “normal” thing. There will always come some time when you start questioning what you believe or preach if the thing you have been patient for seems still too far away. There are so many factors that may make patience hateful to many of us: society, age, chronic illness, family, etc, etc. So what to do when you have to live with patience on a daily basis –as if it were indeed a chronic illness? How do you manage your life as a patient (or patience-loving) person? How can you keep hope when everything around you inspires only despair and frustration?
Well, there is not one and only one answer to those questions. But as with big problems, one has to adopt certain strategies, which I will try to detail below:
1) If you don’t have a good Muslim friend already, then by all means look for one. Neither the Holy Koran, nor any wisdom in the world would replace a good (human) Muslim friend. I say ‘friend’, not a lover or someone to flirt with, and I say ‘human’ (that you can meet and speak to), not a pen-pal or a ‘friend’ on Facebook or the like. Such a friend –if you had one– would help you a great deal: by listening to you, by visiting or calling you (when you feel nobody cares about you), by giving you advice, by giving you the opportunity to say aloud what you think (about faith, for example) in secret. Even if you were an Imam or a great scholar, such a friend would still be a must if you were caught in a particularly harsh adversity.
Some would raise their eyebrows at the mentioning of “an Imam or a great scholar”
in this regard. Well, I know several stories, of which I’ll tell you one –knowing that some would say these are isolated cases. I once was envious of someone who won prizes for writing in the
then famous Muslim weekly Al-Muslimoon. He wrote wonderful things about Islam (even as a student of Islamic Studies at the Faculty (or College)). He then became an Islamic Studies Professor at
another Faculty, which is an enviable job here, which enabled him to marry soon after graduation. But then, one day, he picked a quarrel with his (uneducated) wife, and as he slapped her she
rushed into the kitchen and picked up a knife which she pointed threateningly at his chest. She did not kill him, fortunately. But that led to divorce after they had gotten two
children. You can imagine the life of this man after that incident.
2) Avoid unnecessary problems. For example, if you know that you are jobless or have a very low income and yet you take on debts beyond your means, then why blame others for your (resulting) ordeal? If, on the contrary, you have a certain amount of money (or any savings) but you are jobless and yet you keep spending as if you were going to find a new job the next month, then why blame others if you ran out of money and became a debtor? God says:
"And let not thy hand be chained to thy neck nor open it with a complete opening, lest thou sit down rebuked, denuded." (Al-Isra : 29)
"Spend your wealth for the cause of Allah, and be not cast by your own hands to ruin; and do good. Lo! Allah loveth the beneficent" (Al-Baqara : 195)
3) Be modest. If, for one reason or another, you found yourself up to the ears in debt, then don’t expect money to fall upon you from the skies. Do seek help from humans (while
waiting for God’s mercy). God does not prohibit you from asking help from humans. In fact, you won’t get such help (from humans) unless God so decides. If someone does help you, that is indeed a
mercy from Allah, Who says:
"but help ye one another unto righteousness and
pious duty. Help not one another unto sin and transgression, but keep your duty to Allah." (Al-Maidah : 2)
"And if the debtor is in straitened circumstances, then (let there be) postponement to (the time of) ease; and that ye remit the debt as alms giving would be
better for you if ye did but know." (Al-Baqara : 280)
"If Allah touch thee with affliction, there is none that can relieve therefrom save Him, and if He touch thee with good fortune (there is none that can
impair it); for He is Able to do all things. He is the Omnipotent over His slaves, and He is the Wise, the Knower." (Al-An'am : 17-18)
God is aware that some people are shy or feel that their dignity would be
hurt if they "begged" and therefore cannot ask help from other people.
"(Alms are) for the poor who are straitened for the cause of Allah, who cannot travel in the land (for trade). The
unthinking man accounteth them wealthy because of their restraint. Thou shalt know them by their mark: They do not beg of men with
importunity. And whatsoever good thing ye spend, lo! Allah knoweth it." (Al-Baqara : 273)
But if you really need help, then don’t hesitate to seek help and assistance from your fellow humans.
"Allah asketh naught of any soul save that which He hath given it. Allah will
vouchsafe, after hardship, ease." (At-Talaq : 7)
"No blame is there upon the blind nor any blame upon the lame nor any blame upon the sick
nor on yourselves if ye eat from your houses, or the houses of your fathers, or the houses of your mothers, or the houses of your brothers, or the houses of your sisters, or the houses of your
fathers' brothers, or the houses of your fathers' sisters, or the houses of your mothers' brothers, or the houses of your mothers' sisters, or (from that) whereof ye hold the keys, or (from the
house) of a friend. No sin shall it be for you whether ye eat together or apart. But when ye enter houses, salute one another with a greeting from Allah, blessed and sweet. Thus Allah maketh
clear His revelations for you, that haply ye may understand." (An-Nur : 61)
I do not mean by asking help “begging”. What I mean is that you can ask somebody
for a reasonable loan or something like that to be returned when possible, or maybe you could express your need to a friend in a way that he/she may take the hint and therefore offer his/her help
willingly.
4) If you can, do avoid mean people (even if they happen to be members of your own family). If you don’t want to lose a sibling, then try to limit your contact with him/her to the strict minimum (if he/she is a mean person) until your hardship is over. You will certainly find other people willing to help you (for one reason or another). Don’t care of those reasons as long as they are not impermissible. You know, most people would not provide help for God’s sake.
5) Be realistic. Even if you are the most devout person on earth, you shouldn’t expect God to do everything for you. Miracles do happen, but they don’t happen in everybody’s life. God did so much to protect the first believers in Islam; He helped them in so many ways; (but to give us the example,…) He also taught them to look after themselves. He said to them, for example:
"And when thou (O Muhammad) art among them and arrangest (their) worship for them, let
only a party of them stand with thee (to worship) and let them take their arms. Then when they have performed their prostrations let them fall to the rear and let another party come that hath not
worshipped and let them worship with thee, and let them take their precaution and their arms. Those who disbelieve long for you to neglect your arms and your baggage that they may attack you once
for all. It is no sin for you to lay aside your arms, if rain impedeth you or ye are sick. But take your precaution" (An-Nisaa : 102)
If you live in a place that is prone to earthquakes or floods, or any other sort of disaster, then it would be unwise to expect God to save the place from an earthquake or flood because of your presence in there. Even in the Koran there’s a reference to such bad places and bad happenings.
"As for the good land, its vegetation cometh forth by permission of its
Lord; while as for that which is bad, only evil cometh forth (from it). Thus do We recount the tokens for people who give thanks." (Al-A'raf : 58)
"His likeness is as the likeness of a rock whereon is dust of
earth; a rainstorm smiteth it, leaving it smooth and bare." (Al-Baqara : 264)
"And the likeness of those who
spend their wealth in search of Allah's pleasure, and for the strengthening of their souls, is as the likeness of a garden on a height. The rainstorm smiteth it and it bringeth forth its fruit
twofold. And if the rainstorm smite it not, then the shower. Allah is Seer of what ye do. Would any of you like to have a garden of palm trees and vines, with rivers flowing underneath it, with
all kinds of fruit for him therein; and old age hath stricken him and he hath feeble off spring; and a fiery whirlwind striketh it and it is (all) consumed by fire. Thus Allah maketh plain His
revelations unto you, in order that ye may give thought." (Al-Baqara : 265-266)
"Have ye taken security from Him Who is in the heaven that He will not cause the earth to swallow you when lo! it is convulsed? Or have ye taken security
from Him Who is in the heaven that He will not let loose on you a hurricane? But ye shall know the manner of My warning." (Al-Mulk :
16-17)
Another thing: if you live in a place where there is so much evil, then don’t
expect God to save that place from a disaster because you personally or a few pious people like you live there.
"And guard yourselves against a chastisement which cannot fall exclusively on those of you who are wrong doers, and know that
Allah is severe in punishment." (Al-Anfal : 25)
Such bad happenings could take place even in the presence of a prophet:
"And when Moses asked for water for his people, We said: Smite with thy staff the rock. And there gushed out therefrom twelve springs (so that) each tribe
knew their drinking place. Eat and drink of that which Allah hath provided, and do not act corruptly, making mischief in the earth." (Al-Baqara : 60)
6) If you can, do read a lot. Don’t just read the Koran. You can read poetry and
fiction, as well. You can read a bit of philosophy. You can read biographies or any inspirational material. You can read all this and more in addition to the Koran. The more you know of the world
the more you understand your sufferings and the more you know how to deal with them. In so doing, you would acquire wisdom, which is in itself a great gift from Allah.
"He giveth wisdom unto whom He will, and he unto whom wisdom is given, he truly hath received abundant good. But none remember
except men of understanding." (Al-Baqara : 269)
7) If you can, try to change the décor of your everyday life. If you live in
town, why not have a stroll or ride on the outskirts and see how people out there go about their everyday life; and while you are there contemplate the landscape
around you. The more you do it the more you discover new things you had taken for granted. This little "tourism" is in fact part of a believer's practise of his/her
faith.
"Will they not regard the camels,
how they are created? And the heaven, how it is railed?
And the hills, how they are set up? And the earth, how it is spread?" (Al-Gashiya : 17-20)
"Have they not observed what is before them and what is behind them of the sky and the earth?" (Saba :
9)
"By the sun and his brightness, And
the moon when she followeth him, And the day when it revealeth him, And the night when it enshroudeth him, And the heaven and Him who built it, And the earth and Him who spread it,
(...) " (Ash-Shams : 1-6)
"Hast thou not seen how Allah hath sent down water from the sky and hath caused it to penetrate the earth as water springs, and afterward thereby produceth
crops of divers hues; and afterward they wither and thou seest them turn yellow; then He maketh them chaff. Lo! herein verily is a reminder for men of understanding." " (Az-Zumar
: 21)
"Have they not travelled in the land, and have they
hearts wherewith to feel and ears wherewith to hear? For indeed it is not the eyes that grow blind, but it is the hearts, which are within the bosoms, that grow blind." (Al-Hajj :
46)
"Such as remember Allah, standing, sitting, and reclining, and consider the creation of the heavens and the earth, (and say): Our Lord! Thou createdst not
this in vain. Glory be to Thee! Preserve us from the doom of Fire" (Al-i'Imran : 191)
8) Even if you think you are keeping your duty to God, don’t fail to implore
forgiveness. In fact, asking forgiveness is a prerequisite for ease (end of your ordeal).
"And I have said: Seek pardon of your Lord, Lo! He was ever Forgiving. He will let loose the sky for you in plenteous rain,
And will help you with wealth and sons, and will assign unto you Gardens and will assign unto you rivers." (Nuh : 10-12)
9) In addition to asking forgiveness, remember Allah all the time (at least in your heart).
"O ye who believe! Remember Allah with much remembrance. And glorify Him
early and late." (Al-Ahzab : 41-42)
"And when the prayer is ended, then disperse in the land and seek of Allah's bounty, and remember Allah much, that ye may be successful."
(Al-Jumu'a : 10)
"Who have believed and whose hearts have rest in the remembrance of Allah. Verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest!" (Ar-Ra'd
: 28)
"Such as remember Allah, standing, sitting, and reclining, and consider the creation of the heavens and the earth, (and say):
Our Lord! Thou createdst not this in vain. Glory be to Thee! Preserve us from the doom of Fire" (Al-i'Imran : 191)
10) Do amuse yourself from time to time, take rest, relax whenever you feel tired, because, as the Prophet (pbuh) said, “if the hearts get tired they become blind." And God says:
"Allah tasketh not a soul beyond its scope. For it (is only) that which it hath earned,
and against it (only) that which it hath deserved. Our Lord! Condemn us not if we forget, or miss the mark! Our Lord! Lay not on us such a burden as Thou didst lay on those before us! Our Lord!
Impose not on us that which we have not the strength to bear! Pardon us, absolve us and have mercy on us, Thou, our Protector" (Al-Baqara : 286)
"Say: Who hath forbidden the adornment of Allah which He hath brought
forth for His bondmen, and the good things of His providing? Say: Such, on the Day of Resurrection, will be only for those who believed during the life of the world. Thus do We detail Our
revelations for people who have knowledge." (Al-A'raf : 32)
"And wherein is beauty for you, when ye bring them home, and when ye take them out to
pasture." (An-Nahl : 6)
"And horses and mules and asses (hath He created) that ye may ride them, and for ornament.
And He createth that which ye know not." (An-Nahl : 8)
"Have they not then observed the sky above them, how
We have constructed it and beautified it, and how there are no rifts therein? And the earth have We spread out, and have flung firm hills therein, and have caused of every lovely kind to grow
thereon" (Qaf : 6-7)
"and sendeth down for you water from the sky wherewith We cause to spring forth joyous orchards" (An-Naml
: 60)
11) Try to avoid (excited) people who are newly married or who have just found a job, or who have just been relieved of a hardship –especially if these people used to quote a lot of Koran and Haddith during their talk with others. Because of their excitement and complacency, these people could harm you a great deal––if you (naively) expected them to be “more thoughtful” as a result of their previous suffering.
12) Stop from time to time to meditate about your own life. If necessary, isolate
yourself in open spaces (park, woods, beach, etc), where you could speak loud to yourself: ask yourself questions like, “Hasn’t there
really been anything new happening in my life since the beginning of this ordeal?” ...or questions like:
"Did He not find thee an orphan and protect
(thee)? Did He not find thee wandering and direct (thee)? Did He not find thee destitute and enrich (thee)?" (Adh-Dhuha : 6-8)
Ask yourself: what was your reaction the last time you were relieved of a hardship?
"And if misfortune touch a man he crieth unto Us, (while reclining) on his side, or sitting or standing, but when We have
relieved him of the misfortune he goeth his way as though he had not cried unto Us because of a misfortune that afflicted him. Thus is what they do made (seeming) fair unto the
prodigal." (Yunus : 12)
As nobody will really feel what you personally feel, then nobody would speak to you in the way you would wish. Now that you are alone (far from eyes and ears) you could speak to yourself as some
do in front of a mirror in the dressing-room. This sounds crazy, but you would find it as a breathing exercise! It would relieve your soul of its “poisons” as exercise would rid your
body of its poisons. By asking yourself frank questions here you would end up admitting that, after all, there’s some kind of “progress” in your life despite the overall ordeal.
13) To fight monotony and despondency, do assign yourself a long-term goal,
mission or project––if you haven’t done it already. Do everything you can towards the fulfilment of this project and you’ll restore your feeling of self-importance when you realize that –at
least– there’s something new happening in your life and that you’re not wasting away your time and life in this world.
"And trust thou in the Living One Who dieth not" (Al-Furqan : 58)
"Allah it is Who appointed for you the earth for a dwelling place and the sky for a canopy, and fashioned you and perfected your shapes, and hath provided
you with good things. Such is Allah, your Lord. Then blessed be Allah, the Lord of the Worlds! He is the Living One. There is no God save Him. So pray unto Him, making religion pure for Him
(only). Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds!" (Ghafir : 64-65)
"And your Lord hath said: Pray unto me and I will hear your prayer. Lo! those who scorn My service, they will enter hell, disgraced." (Ghafir
: 60)
"Lo! We verily do help Our messengers, and those who believe, in the life of the world and on the day when
the witnesses arise" (Ghafir : 51)
And the Angels say to you: "We are your protecting friends in the life of the world and in the Hereafter. There ye will have (all) that your souls
desire, and there ye will have (all) for which ye pray." (Fussilat : 31)
"And thou (Muhammad) art not occupied with any business and thou recitest not a
lecture from this (Scripture), and ye (mankind) perform no act, but We are Witness of you when ye are engaged therein. And not an atom's weight in the earth or in the sky escapeth your Lord, nor
what is less than that or greater than that, but it is (written) in a clear Book. Lo! verily the friends of Allah are (those) on whom fear (cometh) not, nor do they grieve. Those who believe and
keep their duty (to Allah), Theirs are good tidings in the life of the world and in the Hereafter. There is no changing the Words of Allah that is the Supreme Triumph. And let not their speech
grieve thee (O Muhammad). Lo! power belongeth wholly to Allah. He is the Hearer, the Knower. Lo! is it not unto Allah that belongeth whosoever is in the heavens and whosoever is in the
earth?" (Yunus : 61-66)
14) Know your human nature and start looking at people as “human beings” rather than “persons”. Try to pay attention to what people have in common: greed, arrogance, impatience, envy, etc. When you read the Koran, or autobiographies or any kind of writings, try to meditate about “the psyche” of Man. Here are examples from the Koran:
"Man prayeth for evil as he prayeth for good; for man was ever
hasty." (Al-Isra : 11)
"Lo! man was created anxious, Fretful when evil befalleth him, And, when
good befalleth him, grudging" (Al-Ma'arij: 19-21) (...)
"And if We cause man to taste some mercy from Us and afterward withdraw it from him, lo! he is despairing, thankless. And if
We cause him to taste grace after some misfortune that had befallen him, he saith: The ills have gone from me. Lo! he is exultant, boastful" (Hud : 9-10)
"And He giveth you of all ye ask of Him, and if ye would count the bounty of Allah ye cannot reckon it. Lo! man is verily a wrong doer, an
ingrate." (Ibrahim : 34)
"And when We make life pleasant unto man, he turneth away and is averse; and when ill toucheth him he is in despair." (Al-Isra : 83)
"Say (unto them): If ye possessed the treasures of the mercy of my Lord, ye would surely hold them back for fear of spending, for man was ever
grudging." (Al-Isra : 100)
"And verily We have displayed for mankind in this Quran all manner of similitudes, but man is more than anything contentious." (Al-Kahf :
54)
"Man is (self) destroyed: how ungrateful!" (Abasa : 17)
"As for man, whenever his Lord
trieth him by honoring him, and is gracious unto him, he saith: My Lord honoureth me. But whenever He trieth him by straitening his means of life, he saith: My Lord despiseth me. Nay, but ye (for
your part) honor not the orphan And urge not on the feeding of the poor, And ye devour heritages with devouring greed, And love wealth with abounding love." (Al-Fajr : 15-20)
"Lo! man is an ingrate unto his Lord, And lo! he is a witness unto that; And lo! in the love of wealth he is violent." (Al-Adiyat :
6-8)
"And He it is Who sendeth the winds, glad tidings heralding His mercy, and We send down purifying water from the sky. That We
may give life thereby to a dead land, and We give many beasts and men that We have created to drink thereof. And verily We have repeated it among them that they may remember, but most of mankind
begrudge naught save in gratitude." (Al-Furqan : 48-50)
15) Try to strengthen your belief in Fate and Destiny. Keep in mind verses like
these:
"Naught of disaster befalleth in the earth or in
yourselves but it is in a Book before We bring it into being, Lo! that is easy for Allah, That ye grieve not for the sake of that which hath escaped you, nor yet exult because of that which hath
been given. Allah loveth not all prideful boasters, Who hoard and who enjoin upon the people avarice. And whosoever turneth away, still Allah is the Absolute, the Owner of
Praise." (Al-Hadid : 22-24)
"And when We make life pleasant unto man, he turneth away and is averse; and when
ill toucheth him he is in despair." (Al-Isra : 83)
"No calamity befalleth save by Allah's leave. And whosoever believeth in Allah, He guideth his heart. And Allah is Knower
of all things." (At-Tagabun : 11)
Also read the stories of Prophets in the Koran, such as Sourat Al-Qasas.
16) Beware of dreams. If you had nice dreams in your sleep, please do not
over-interpret them. They might be good (authentic) dreams, but they might as well take too long to come true. So don’t disappoint yourself by pinning your hopes on the fulfilment of a nice dream
you saw in your sleep.
17) Give thanks to Allah for what you have already:
"And when your Lord proclaimed: If
ye give thanks, I will give you more" (Ibrahim : 7)
"And verily We gave Luqman wisdom, saying: Give thanks unto Allah; and whosoever giveth thanks, he giveth thanks for (the good of) his soul. And whosoever
refuseth, Lo! Allah is Absolute, Owner of Praise." (Luqman : 12)
"If ye are thankless, yet Allah is Independent of you, though He is not pleased with thanklessness for His bondmen; and if ye are thankful He is pleased
therewith for you. No laden soul will bear another's load. Then unto your Lord is your return; and He will tell you what ye used to do. Lo! He knoweth what is in the breasts (of
men)." (Az-Zumar : 7)
"Few of My bondmen are thankful." (Saba : 13)
"Whoso desireth the reward of the world, We bestow on him thereof and whoso desireth the reward of the Hereafter, We bestow on him thereof. We
shall reward the thankful." (Al-i'Imran : 145)
18) You will certainly be hurt and challenged (sometimes even from people who aren't necessarily better off than you), so be defiant without seeking to hurt anybody. Remember these verses:
"And he was building the ship, and every time that chieftains of his people passed him, they made mock of him. He said: Though ye make mock of us, yet we
mock at you even as ye mock" (Hud : 38)
"And We reveal of the Quran that which is a healing and a mercy for believers though it increase the evil doers in naught save ruin."
(Al-Isra : 82)
SADAQALLAHU AL'ADEIM
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